help
Help.
We all need it sometimes, and we all have the opportunity to give it.
Below are three ways to help someone who is going through a crisis. Whether it is with a family member struggling with addiction, postpartum depression, a sick child, or anything else you can imagine, I believe these are universal principles and will help us love each other better.
1. Look for practical needs to meet
I learned so much while Nick and I were battling addiction. One of the easiest was how to love a friend who is going through something hard. My friends were total pros. They taught me how to really love someone in need. They never called and asked for details, they never made me feel like I owed them anything. They just served - over and over and over again.
They showed up at my house with diapers, meals, helped me clean, or watched my kids while I helped Nick. These friends helped in the middle of the night and let me move into their basement with no notice. They came over at bath time and helped with dinner and bathing the kids because I was so tired. They brought Nick a burger and sat with him when I couldn’t be there.
If you really want to help someone, then do it. Just show up. Show up with diapers and a meal, or bubbles for a bubble bath. Take their kids to the library for a few hours or to a park. I promise you they will never forget it.
2. Don’t ask for or expect all the details.
This was a particularly difficult one. Sometimes I didn’t want to talk about what was going on. It was on a never-ending loop in my mind, day and night. Sometimes I did want and need to talk about it. It was such a gift for friends and family to listen when I needed them to, but not expect me to fill them in on every little detail every day. They didn’t use our story as a ticket or payment for their help or prayers. They simply loved my family, every day, without requiring anything from me in return.
Access is sometimes earned. Let that be ok and love them anyway.
3. Speak only from experience.
There were very few people I trusted to speak into our situation. I had to be very picky because I didn’t have enough energy to go through all people wanted to say. Who I let in was crucial to how I would handle it.
So, be the person who listens and helps.
Only speak if you have a clear understanding of where that person is and what they are going through.
Nothing is ever as simple as it seems, and sometimes the best things to say are “I’m so sorry” and “I’ll be over in 10 minutes to just sit with you or do anything you need.”
